The Gianino Family

I’ve had all kinds of thoughts about words that could express what I’m feeling today. But I’m at a loss. The gift of love from my husband and so many other people is filling my heart with gratitude, but not words. It’s not a sense of accomplishment that I ‘defeated cancer’, but the realization that cancer did not defeat my dreams. Ten years ago, I felt like life would never feel ‘normal’ again. My focus was on everything be taken from me – most of all the opportunity to be a mother. The emotional part of today is realizing how wrong I was – and the deep seeded knowledge that everything had to unfold exactly as it did in order to bring me to this moment.

‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’

Love saved me, motherhood healed me.

And those are all my words. So I’m just going to post the mail I sent out to my group on Friday and hope that you will help me celebrate by doing something that makes you feel happy to be alive.

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Ten years ago on Sunday, my family sat in a waiting room as surgeons removed a mass that nobody believed was cancer. Least of all me. The next days and weeks were filled with a long string of bad news. Survival Rates were quoted to me in 1 year, 5 year and 10 year stats – all of which seemed like an eternity away. The crushing blow was when the doctor told me that I would “never be a mother”. Anyone who has seen the little blond thing running around here knows that it was the biggest lie anyone ever told me.

I don’t often wave the cancer survivor flag around, but I’m finding myself a bit emotional about this milestone, and I’d like to ask a huge favor – would you guys help me celebrate? Here is what I’m thinking: get outta here. Time is our most precious commodity, so go out and spend a little unexpected free time doing something that makes you happy to be alive. Take a walk in the sunshine, read your favorite book, surprise your friend or family with a visit, savor a cup of tea, take an extra long run, cuddle your pets… The sooner you leave, the better the celebration.

We’ve all had quite a start to the year. Maybe you are fighting a hard battle or maybe you are in the midst of great joy. Maybe you feel uninspired or under-appreciated, or maybe you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Maybe you are trying to get over the virus that will not leave us alone. No matter where you are, here is what I believe: Everyone is trying their best. We can’t know exactly how people are feeling or what they are going through – we can’t know what the future will hold for us. But as long as we are kind to each other, and keep trying to do the next right thing, we will arrive at exactly the place we were meant to be.

I’m going to be out of here by 5:00 because I savored my morning. Please leave long before that – it would make me so happy to find nothing but empty desks on my way out. Thank you to all of you for making my days spent here part of what makes me feel happy to be alive.

My little man was a little imp for much of the day. Even though the moments can be hard, I find that I love him especially much on days like today. And in the midst of the impness, there were other moments. Like this morning when we were talking about colors that he had never heard before – I started with some purples… Violet, Lavender, Periwinkle… He thought that last one was funny, and we talked about making up a story about a guy named “Periwinkle”. We thought we could call him “Perry” for short. Then we talked about nick-names, and I asked him what are some of the names other people call him. He thought for a minute and then said, (in JUST the voice you’d expect from someone counting a long list of things…), “B-Man, Bren, Brendan Casler Gianino…” (That last one is sort of a long nick-name.) Then I asked him what Mommy calls him – without missing a beat, he said, “My Hero”. It made my eyes well up immediately. I guess I do call him my hero, but I never realized it sunk in so much. I composed myself and asked, “what else does mommy call you?” He came up with “Peanut, Honeydoodle….” and as he said ‘honeydoodle’ he laughed the sweetest little laugh and said, “I like that one”. My honeydoodle.

When I finally finished his bath and his pj’s and his teeth brushing, I was a little rung out from all the extra energy my little imp needed tonight. He got up from my lap and he said, “Mommy – you seem a little sad”. I gathered him up and said, “Mommy’s okay – I just try so hard to be the best Mommy I can for you. I want to teach you all the right things, and make sure you are happy.” He gave me a big hug and said, “I know Mommy – you’re the best Mommy. You’re my favorite.” Then we made up a game that is sort of like the kissing version of the windmill in miniature golf. We alternate puckering our lips and then smiling, and each of us tries to sneak in a kiss at just the right time. And when we taught Daddy the game he said, “Daddy – don’t forget to laugh in between!”.

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I don’t want to forget a single moment – not the extra sillies, not the fact that “poop” and “booby” are the funniest words that need to be said again and again and again. Not the way he is so taken with making guns with three fingers perfectly straight and his pointer finger curved in saying “pew pew pew” at everything. And I certainly don’t want to forget all these other moments wedged in between. He is three and three quarters, and he is perfect.

Well, I’ll save you the suspense: it was a great Easter.
We made our usual pilgrimage down to Cupertino to spend the day with Grandma and Grandpa. It starts with the drive to church, and our family tradition to stop at the Krispy Kreme on the way down for a fresh from the glaze waterfall donut. I don’t even really LIKE donuts, but a warm, melt in your mouth Krispy Kreme donut is not really a donut – it’s like a puddle of sugary sunshine. And who doesn’t like sugary sunshine? Anyway, it was Easter, and with all the candy we knew was coming, we didn’t really need to stop for a donut. But we DID! Are you kidding me? Of course we did!!! Yum.

Then, we got to church – EARLY. I don’t think this has ever happened in the history of time. Not before Brendan, not after Brendan. We also arrived with all of our Easter clothing, even though we knew that it would also be totally alright to arrive without all of our Easter clothing. I snapped a few photos while Daddy put on the tie and the jacket – just in case they somehow didn’t survive the service. And then Grandma and Grandpa arrived.

Brendan went up for the children’s sermon (with daddy), and then when the other kids filed out, he filed out too (with daddy). I stayed in the service with Mom and Dad – as I did every Sunday for the first 25 or so years of my life. I looked around at the decorations that my parents had lovingly arranged the day before, and remembered all the Easter Sundays we woke up long before the sun rose to come to church and put fresh calla lilies on the cross. I remembered how exciting it was to get dash back home and then quickly get dressed in my new Easter outfit that Mom had made for me. For many years, my Grandma was there visiting – the two of us would have bear claws for breakfast together since my Mom and Dad always had many extra duties at church that day. Sometimes Grandma would let me borrow one of her pretty beaded purses to carry to church in my little white gloved hands. Almost every year, Dad was the elder and said the prayer. This year was no exception – though this year he also did the announcements and playfully made fun of the “knit wit” knitting group. Mom always sang in the choir, and usually they did a special program for Easter. This year, our small church had no choir, but I still got to hear Mom’s beautiful voice. I got to sit next to her, though, rather than looking at her in the choir loft. We got to exchange knowing looks when the minister talked about parenting showing him a love he never knew before – and after communion, Mom put her arm out, and I slid right into her hug – just as I have done my whole life. She put her warm hand around my cold one. And it was comforting both as a daughter, and now as a parent to be reminded that Mom’s arms are always Mom’s arms. And that they will always bring a feeling of comfort and home and love like no other place in the world.

Then church was over and I went out to find the boys. We didn’t use to do an egg hunt after church on Sunday – we usually had them the Saturday before Easter. But Brendan was delighted once again to find eggs with all the other kids. He got a scraped knee, but a piece of cake made him feel much better.

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We got home and played with toys and wondered if the Easter Bunny had been able to get here since it had been rainy most of the day. Good news: HE CAME.

There was egg hunting, basket looking – and then Brendan reminded Grandma that they needed to pick a lemon. She also showed him the jungle that she had grown just for him. He went exploring and came out with flowers for everyone. Including poor Chelsea who we left home for the day. While the ham cooked, Brendan and I went exploring in the neighborhood. It was a perfectly crisp day – the kind I used to love as a kid, and still do. The kind made for adventures. I took him to one of my secret spots – a steep dirt hill that leads up to a spot that overlooks the creek, and high above the creek, the freeway. I told him how I used to come here sometimes when I was a little girl. I showed him how when we’re driving if we look just at the right moment, we can see Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We went back down the hill very slowly, holding hands so neither of us would fall. I showed him where I used to pop the tar bubbles that would appear in the middle of the very hottest days of summer. We raced down the street where my dad taught me how to ride a bike.

The days always go so fast – we ate our dinner, and our ice cream which I reminded Grandma was not the tradition before she had a Grandson who loved ice cream as much as she does… and then it was time to get our napless little boy into his pj’s and on the road. Armed with several glowing wands and necklaces from Grandma, he was asleep within 4 freeway exits. The moon was extra big and extra bright and Rob and I chatted all the way home about things not vital enough to make the cut during a normal day. We had a successful Peanut transfer into his own bed, and then Chelsea almost woke him up because she couldn’t relax until she saw that he was really home too.

I’m so thankful that Grandma seemed to have more energy to enjoy the day – even though I know she and Grandpa had pushed themselves past any reasonable limits to make it a special day for everyone. I’m so thankful for traditions, and for church family that welcomes us with open arms. I’m thankful for a husband who not only fits right in to all of it, but who helps create new traditions for our family. And I’m so thankful for Brendan who in so many ways is my personal Easter – the proof of my resurrection from cancer and all that I thought it took from me. He’s also sort of my favorite marshmallow filled treat. And everything else that’s good about Easter.

Several people have mentioned recently that I’m not blogging as much as I used to. Then this week, one of my VIP readers (Grandma) told me in the nicest way possible that March 11 was my last blog post. It doesn’t make me feel good to post less often. Preserving memories of my little man via the blog is one of my favorite hobbies, and I don’t like to think I’m losing things. I know, however, that as much as I try and hoard, there are still moments that will only exist in my expanded heart. Instagram has really become a either a crutch or a help – it lets me capture a memory when I’m out and about. It’s been a great foray into social media – very much tailored to the way I like to see the world. Mom, I’ll set you up when we’re home for Easter, but if anyone else wants to check up on us there, we’re at l_starlight.

My dad and I used to always try our best to come up with a “fool” for each other on April first. Since I didn’t come up with anything clever today, I thought I’d sneak a blog post up. It will definitely be my Mom’s favorite April Fools ever. Although, personally I liked the time I successfully pretended to be an annoying telemarketer and actually got my sweet little mom to hang up on me. I also “hid” my dad’s truck around the block one year. I’m not sure how funny he found it when he was late for work… Sorry dad.

Last night I was taking Brendan’s laundry out of the dryer and had such an overwhelming feeling of joy. I can’t say this is a usual experience when I’m doing laundry, but it felt like such a privilege to be washing his favorite blanket. To be taking care of one of the most cherished things for my most cherished thing. I’m always amazed how doing things for him don’t feel like ‘chores’, they feel like love. And if anything, I feel a bit of sadness for the days when he won’t need me to do as much for him. A similar sadness I feel at the realization that I won’t always be able to bundle him up in a blanket and carry him down the stairs. It is my greatest honor and my greatest joy to be Brendan’s Mommy.

Here are a few moments:

I got to lead a craft for school during rainbow week! It was so much fun planning, cutting, making examples – and then sitting down to craft with the kids. My son was very excited for me to be there, but didn’t spend a lot of extra time working on his craft because there were cars to be played with, and magnatiles to be built. I did, however, have other customers who took great care in creating their project. In fact I had a “waiting line” of chairs to come to my station. I took a shot of my example, and some shots of art on the wall. The in between is just a blur of happy faces, bright colors, and cotton ball clouds.

Creek Grandma and Grandpa visited for three whole days and three whole nights! They got to come to swim class, babysit while Rob and I had our first date in a long time, they enjoyed wake-up snuggles from an excited little boy, bike and scooter shows – and then the same leprechauns visited who used to visit when I was a little girl – and they even helped Grandma make Mommy’s favorite dinner: corned beef!!! I’m slightly saddened to say that now my entire family loves this meal which means less leftovers for me. I was, however, still able to hoard the leprechaun pie because Grandma also made homemade ice cream. Of course she did. It was an extra nice visit, and do I have one picture to show for it? No I do not. I should either be praised for living fully in the moment, or chastised for extreme laziness. I’ll go with the first option, because even though I feel sad that I don’t have any visual reminders, I will always have the memories of that visit to treasure in my heart.

Then we were treated to a visit from Snow Grandma and Grandpa – and while we give them a hard time for not staying at our house, they stay at a hotel very nearby, and this hotel has a POOL which makes this choice very popular with the youngest Gianino. We kept their visit very traditional with Napa trips, breakfast at the boonfly, a trip to the farmer’s market, and lots of yummy food.

Soccer and swimming are still going great! Brendan is proving once again that he’s like his Mommy – anything we do even one time (that he likes) becomes a tradition. One such instance is playing with his friend Sebastian (“Bashi”) after soccer. They gather sticks and rocks and run up hills into the trees. And now, they also want to go out for donuts. Not such a bad tradition.
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Uncle Clay came by one Saturday, and the three boys went off on a scooter adventure. When they returned, Brendan had decided that he was ready to ride Daddy’s scooter rather than his. And of course, since he decided it was time, he pulled it off impeccably.

And then a guy who works for me, who has a particular fondness for my son, got a new motorcycle. And offered Brendan the thrill of his young life:

We’ve had haircuts, adventures, cute feet, plenty of playtime, school pictures, couch pillow forts, sister dates, sushi dates, wads of tissues collected in bedtime procrastination, birthday parties, pooch love, pony rides, owies, hide and seek, so much star wars, flowers picked, ladybugs and treasures collected… in other words: So Much Fun.

I hope to get back into better memory recording habits, but while it’s available to me I will always choose to make the priority cuddles, adventures and every little bit of this man at this age.

There are several cute things I wanted to remember, so lets just discuss them quickly:

– B was helping daddy carry things in from the car, and when Daddy thanked him he responded with “it’s not any trouble, daddy!”. Love that.

– He has started telling Mommy, “I love you more than….” and he inserts all kinds of things. Trees, clouds, even race cars! When I really want to wow him, I tell him that I love him even more than marshmallows and rainbows. Even he knows that is A LOT.

– I think I have mentioned his sudden love of all things Star Wars, but maybe I haven’t. We have walked by Star Wars stuff for three and a half years and he has never paid much attention. He still hasn’t seen the films or the tv shows – nothing changed – but suddenly, he is INTO it. Is this a gene that exists in boys or something? That suddenly just flips on? He really likes Darth Vadar and I didn’t know what to make of that, so I told him that in the end, Darth Vadar becomes a good guy. Daddy was NOT PLEASED. I had to change my story to say that I really HOPE that in the end DV can learn to be a good guy. He calls the Millennium Falcon the “Milemony Falcon” which I love, but today was my favorite – he started referring to Jabba the Hutt as “Job of the Hutt”.

– Today I went to visit at school and he was just waking up from his nap in unfamiliar pants. I asked him what happened and he told me he had an accident. In my head I thought, “OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BOY??!??!” because he has not had an accident in maybe a YEAR. He can and does hold his pee all night, and is not all that eager to pee in the morning. He has an iron bladder. But of course I told him that it was nothing to worry about – that everyone has accidents now and then. But I couldn’t shake my worries… I asked him when it happened – whether he was just having too much fun and forgot? Was he outside? He told me he was on his bed. Finally I asked the teacher what had happened. She told me that two kids had accidents at nap time, and so they got off their bed and went to read a story with the teachers. Brendan and one other girl who were not interested in napping, figured out that if they had an accident, they could skip nap too. I’m not kidding. Even the teachers knew what was going on. So clearly he is too smart for these teachers. We had a talk about it and I told him that was NOT okay, and that if he really wasn’t tired, he could ask the teachers if he could just read a book on his bed. Last night, he didn’t want to go to sleep so I handed him a book to read on his own. When I went back in to check on him, I found this:

And the good news is, if we run out of blankets, he can just keep warm under his book! Silly boy.

– I also happened to get this movie at dinner – just our boy, being our boy:

But the thing that happened this weekend, was the moment of parenting that Rob has been waiting for his whole life: Soccer.

Both Brendan and Daddy were pretty excited, but only one of them had a new pair of cleats to wear onto the field.

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Then he got the pre-practice pep talk from Dad:

Then it was time to meet the coaches, who clearly fell in love with him immediately. One of them called him “Bren” which kindof filled my heart with glee.

Then a few words from the coaches:

And it was time to play:


And 30 minutes later, it was over.
He didn’t want to leave, but we assured him we’d be back next week.
I loved seeing Brendan play, but I think I may have enjoyed watching Rob watch Brendan even more. I predict some assistant coaching gigs in the near future, and Brendan feeling just as proud of his daddy out there on the field, as his daddy is of him.

It is vaguely possible that I have said this before, but I’m 100% sure that Brendan has never been cuter, and could never possibly be any cuter. He is perfection. I love him so much that just a glance at his picture makes my heart swell as wide as the ocean. I love him more than marshmallows and rainbows.

What a difference a week makes!

He had fun this week, just like he did the last two weeks – the difference was confidence. He had chosen to practice in the bathtub every chance he could – and when he got into the pool, he was ready. Last week he wasn’t crazy about taking the floaty off – this week it just held him back. We could absolutely see the realization on Brendan’s face that he was SWIMMING! It looked a little something like this:

This boy knows what he wants to do, and when he puts his mind to something there is no stopping him. I’m so proud of him. For swimming, of course – but even more, for working hard on something that he really wanted to do, and for seeing the results of that hard work.

Similar to last week, he didn’t nap yesterday. Swim lesson days are just too exciting for naps. So like last week, our little swimmer passed out on the drive home. He was already showered and in his PJ’s, so daddy just transferred him into his bed. He woke up a few times during the night, which has not been his normal pattern recently. The third time he came around to gently nudge me awake, rather than going back to tuck him in, I scooped him into our bed. As he snuggled in close between Mommy and Daddy he said, “Mommy – I had a bad dream.” “I wasn’t a baby anymore – I growed up!” It got me. All the milestones and growth he is doing – it’s so exciting, but also a little sad to watch my little man growing up. It was a sobering realization to learn that at least on some level, it weighs on him as well. I promised him that he was always going to be just the right age, at every age – and that of course, forever and ever, he would always be my baby. Then I assured us both that (at least for now), the “bad dream” was over, and we snuggled into the space between baby and growed up boy.

As he drifted right back into sleep, I watched the first rays of sun start to warm the sky and wondered how his growing up would look. I thought back to the different stages of my life – times where I felt carefree, and times that felt like they would never end. I wondered at what age he would look around and realize he was where he was always meant to be. It took me 40 years to find that place, but it was worth every twist and turn to get there, and for the rest of my life, I know I’m home.

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P.S. It’s picture day!! Here was his ‘practice’ at home this morning in his nice shirt and his “hard pants” (jeans)

And I am lucky enough to have a mole in the teacher’s lounge, so here is my ‘growed up’ boy posing for his picture:

It always gives me a special thrill to get to see how he looks when I’m not in the room. They always comb his hair in funny ways, but the expression on his face, and his little hands and his crossed legs are just killing me with cuteness. (sidenote cute: when i was tucking him in last night, he said in a very sleepy voice, “Mommy – will you scratch my toe?”. I was happy to do so.)

P.P.S. I went down to visit and he showed me his ‘picture smile’ and we cuddled and played a bit. I had to go, and he didn’t want me to – but instead of whining or protesting, he thought a minute and said, “okay mom.” I gave him extra hugs and told him I’d finish up as soon as I could. I was almost to the door when I heard him call, “MOM!!!!” I turned around expecting to hear one last plea to stay, but instead, he looked up at me and yelled as loudly as he could, “I LOVE YOU!!!”. I ran back for kisses. And as I walked back to my next meeting with a spring in my step and a smile on my face, I realized that even though I always thought she was making it up, what my mom always said is true: hugs, kisses, I love you’s really are the very best gift.

I seem to always be in catch-up mode with memory recording. I think back and wonder how I had more time when my little man was littler. Things were perhaps no less busy, but he slept more. These days naps are a fading trend – and when he’s awake, we’re busy making the memories. Daddy and Brendan are out on an adventure right now. Adventures have taken on a whole new flavor these days because he learned to ride a bike with NO TRAINING wheels while The Uncles were visiting last weekend (THE UNCLES WERE VISITING LAST WEEKEND!!). He knew he was ready – but Mommy and Daddy weren’t sure. He really wanted Daddy to take off the training wheels, but we didn’t expect this to happen:

We went from those very first moments to this, very quickly:

And now there is no stopping him. We’re going to have to get Daddy a bike because a scooter just isn’t fast enough to keep up with speedy anymore.

It was so great to have The Uncles here! I almost feel like Brendan knew they needed to be here to watch him learn to ride a bike. We played and ate and hugged and smiled every minute they were here, and then missed them the second they left.

But when you are Brendan Gianino, learning to ride a bike isn’t enough for one week – he also started swim lessons, and LOVES it.


And I love his teacher, Miss Carie. Something about her face makes me feel calm. And it’s incredible how relaxed and wonderful she is teaching babies how to swim. Brendan was cracking us up because he truly thought he was putting his face underwater, but he wasn’t. Since then, he has taken it upon himself to practice in the bathtub:

and he is NAILING it. We can’t wait to see Miss Carie’s face when she see’s him in action this week! He loves it so much that sometimes he wakes up and asks to take a bath so he can practice with his “googles”. Sometimes he even practices in the car:

He also brought his goggles for show and tell at school this week, and when I came to pick him up, he was sitting on the floor playing – with his goggles on.

And just in case we weren’t hitting enough milestones, he also decided he was ready to poop in the potty. And in typical Brendan style, when he decided he was ready, he just did it. No more diapers. No problem going at home, at school, in restaurants or wherever we are. Oh my gosh, no more diapers??!?! I’m clearly in denial because we still have the CHANGING TABLE set up with wipes and diapers and everything, even though we haven’t used it in 6 months. MY BABY IS GROWING UP!!!!! So proud of him.

Even though it is very spring-like now, we had one final rainstorm and went out to enjoy it to the fullest. I loved watching him walk the entire time with at least one foot trailing in the river that formed in our gutter:

Also loved watching him try to keep his puppy dry:

I always take way too many pictures when we walk in the rain, because they are some of my favorite moments. I hope he always wants to walk in the rain with his mama.
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And lets not forget Valentine’s Day. Last year he helped me decorate, but this year he even helped cut out the cookies and put them on the tray. Mommy made a bunch of cookies (some are in the freezer still waiting to be delivered…) but the ones that had his little fingerprints embedded in them were my very favorites.

He also brought in Valentines for school. This is the first year most of his class brought Valentines and it was VERY exciting. Brendan even got to make a special bag to collect all his Valentines. One of these days he’ll probably decide he wants to pick out a box at Target, but until then I’m going to keep having fun trying to figure out how to incorporate washi tape into a boy’s valentine.

And then, there were these two Valentines:

They have chosen each other every single year of their lives – it’s a bond that warms my heart.

The lovebirds also have a deal with their mommies – if they do a good job going to bed (and staying in bed) they get a sticker on a chart. When they both get 4 stickers, they get to go on a fun adventure with the mommies. This week, we had a picnic lunch out by the pond.

I know he needs to go to bed like a big boy – and he’s doing fine with it, but I still get to soak in the morning snuggles. It’s one of my favorite times of the day because even though he’s a big boy now, it’s the time when I set to remember that he’s still my baby.

There was one unfortunate rhyming incident… we were playing our rhyming game on the way home from school – he does a great job with both real and made up words. For instance, “Mommy – do you know what rhymes with cheese?” “Please, Squeeze, Feeze, Meeze….” or “Mommy, do you know what rhymes with car?” “Star, Bar, Far, Lar, Schmar….” and suddenly my baby said, “Mommy – do you know what rhymes with bucket?” Let’s just say that the word did indeed rhyme, and started with an “F”. I had to stifle my surprise and choose my response very carefully – quickly grasping for some other rhymes I offered “chuck it” and “luck it”. We’re going to steer clear of words that rhyme with ‘bucket’ for a while.

Brendan and Mommy still had our colds, but we still managed to have a lot of fun this weekend. One big activity, was that we got to bring home the class pet: Mr. Pickles. He’s a turtle – and he’s very well behaved. We were supposed to chronicle our activities and include something in the book that also came home with Mr. Pickles. Daddy made these pages all on his own, proving once again that he should be in charge of all creative endeavors at our house.

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It’s been a while since I’ve emptied my pockets of all the memories I’ve been collecting. I think instagram actually makes me a slower blogger. That, and you know… life! January tends to be a recovery month for me – probably for a lot of people. Even though I try to be mindful of not packing extra stuff in at the holidays, there is just no avoiding it – and really, I wouldn’t want to. So January gets to be a little more restful. I even made one last trip to Grace Cathedral before the ribbons came down. Perhaps I mentioned that Rob discovered they do yoga there every Tuesday night – not in some hidden church multi-purpose room, but IN the cathedral. I’m not a big yoga practitioner, but there is a kind of yoga called “restorative yoga” that I discovered during cancer treatment that truly helped me – and one teacher in particular who I fell in love with. And of course, he is the one who teaches yoga at Grace. He’s been doing this for seven years, and I never knew. So Rob encouraged me to go and do it on the last night the ribbons were there. I did not think it was convenient or comfortable to go, but I knew I should push past that, and I’m so glad I did. I got to talk with Darren a bit and found out that often they have 600 people who come to practice on Tuesday nights. There was truly not a spot left. I was there early enough to lay back and take in the sights:

At night, the colors are not as vibrant, but the light dances up and down the ribbons. It was beautiful in a whole new way.

The Peanut keeps getting more fun – of course. Here are a few of my favorite moments:

– Brendan wore his very favorite light-up McQueen shoes to school, and another friend also had light-up shoes. I commented on how cool they both looked and noticed another sweet friend, Kyle, look down at his non-light-up shoes with a sad face. I immediately added how cool it was that Kyle’s shoes were bright green on the bottom, but my son took it from there. “Kyle – your shoes are SUPER fast – they are even more awesome than mine!” I let Kyle’s happy face skip away before I scooped Brendan up and told him how proud I was of him for making sure his friend felt good about his special shoes. I had Brendan’s teacher conference, and one of the things they highlighted was the same thingswe’ve been hearing since he was a baby – that he has great empathy for his friends. I’m so proud of him.

– We watched a couple new movies: Brave and Aladdin. In Brave, Merida’s mother is named “Elinor” but B always referred to her as “Archie” – in fact corrected me when I referred to her as Elinor. I finally realized that he heard the word “Archery” and somehow thought that was the Mom’s name. Similarly, he refers to Princess Jasmine’s father as “Clappy” because he claps a lot. And since we don’t know his name, Clappy it is.

– Brendan found the first daffodil hiding in our backyard and came running to get me. He felt that in order to pick it he should bring his excavator over to assist. It was a good call.

(I look at the photos of me and want to exclude them when I see all the wrinkles at the corner of my eyes and around my mouth – but instead, I realize how grateful I am to have had so much to smile about.)

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– He has been building impressive things with the magnetiles he got for Christmas. At school where you have to share tiles, structures can only get so tall – but at home, you only have to worry about puppies knocking them over.

– Another thing discussed in the teacher conference was Brendan and Harper – and how they love each other. This wasn’t news to us. He has also expanded his list of women he is going to marry. He tells me first he will marry me, then Harps, then Olivia, then Charlie – and the other day he said, “mommy what is Harp’s mommy’s name?” I said “Maria?” and he said, “Oh yeah – and then I’m gonna marry Maria.” Additionally, he frequently tells us about pretty girls – whether they are in movies or real life. If the joke is that fathers invest in a shotgun when their daughters start dating, should I start saving my pennies now?

– Grandma and Grandpa came up to watch the superbowl with us and after the Pats exciting victory, they gave Brendan a very special gift. Grandma made him a McQueen blanket. It’s big enough to cover Mommy, and so soft I’d like to curl up with it – but it quickly became Brendan’s favorite blanket. He was kind enough to offer me his old favorite, though. Now we just need to commission Grandma to make us another one for the days when this one has to be washed.

– I also peeked in to find this scene unfolding on B’s bed. This is where I love phone photography. I caught several pictures before either of them even knew what I was doing – but when I went to get the good camera, they saw me. Those pictures may have been better in pixels, but they lacked the spirit of the moment. Also, I always knew my son was an angel, but I’m glad I caught his halo on film:

We have had to make some sleep adjustments. A certain person in this house seems to have gotten us into some bad habits. I don’t feel it’s right to name names, but I’ll say that her name starts with “M”.
It’s just that I have a weakness for snuggling with him. I know it – and he knows it too. And the big boy bed allows for snuggling in a way the crib never did. Tonight I tried to stay away – I sat right by his door – a good 4, shoot, maybe 5 feet away from him. His lullaby playlist was going, it was quiet for a few moments, and then I heard, “Mommy – you are too far away! You are this far away (hands stretched wide) and I need you THIS far away (hands touching). I buckle. And this is why we need to make sleep adjustments. At least I didn’t get IN the bed. So as I sat kneeling beside his bed with my head resting near his, we hold hands – and with his free hand he starts to play with my hair. Of course. Because this is what he knows to do – his Mama has played with his hair any time his head has been with in reach of my hands – since there was nothing but a little fuzz to enjoy. I sit, truly relaxed and can hardly fathom that my tiny fuzzy headed baby is now old enough to play with his mom’s hair, to sleep in a big boy bed, to talk and reason in ways that astound me every day – and then it hits me. I missed his three and a half year old birthday. We’ve been calling him “three and a half” since early December – but the actual day that marks this occasion was January 22. I missed itAnd again, it doesn’t matter which corner generic cheap cialis of the world you might be hiding or working on it. In current years, herbalism in basic has been modernized, with the introduction of quality assurance generic prescription viagra without and standardization. There are a variety of different theories out there, but one thing is for sure: cheap levitra professional It’s common, and it’s not going away (on its own) anytime soon. What is the name of a vegetable that is still in season in the winter and has female viagra in india been on the top ever since its arrival in the market. . I will still celebrate in my special Mama way – I will go through and select my 100 most favorite photo moments of the last 6 months, and put them in a special folder as I relive each moment… and then inevitably, I will look back at all my collection of 100’s. Revel in the reality of this boy I waited an eternity to meet.

I finally nudge myself away from the bed. Probably just 2 or 3 feet away this time. I close my eyes in hopes it will encourage him. Maybe 10 minutes later I hear, “Mama?” and I open my eyes to see his hand outstretched toward me. I come closer. After all his nose is all stuffy – it’s hard to get to sleep when you can breathe like normal. As soon as I get close, he puts his head directly on mine. Something he has done since he was old enough to move his own body. I get it – we want to feel as close to each other on the outside as we do on the insides. It’s impossible, but we do our very best. And in a matter of moments I feel him heavy and know that he’s asleep. And so we’ll start the sleep adjustments another night. Probably when Daddy is putting him to bed.

On Saturday we went on two very different family adventures. We all piled into the car with our adventure bags and headed into the city – but then we went our separate ways.
Daddy and Brendan dropped me off at Grace Cathedral, and they went out to the beach to ride scooters and chase waves.

I had to go back. I wanted to sit in that space and just soak for a while. The ribbons come down in a week, and I knew I’d always regret it if I didn’t take the opportunity to be there in the quiet.

I stayed long enough to see the light change and notice which colors stood out at different times, from different corners of the cathedral. I explored from every angle, but I also took the time to be still. People came and left, the organist practiced – the bells played:

The boys had a very successful outing too:
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We all filled our souls – and were glad to come back home together. But first, Brendan wanted to drive down some big big hills. We took our first trip down Lombard, and hunted down some other doozies as well.

We capped off the day with rice krispy treats and a family movie (Aladdin) then off to bed.
Nice job, Saturday. It will be hard to top you.

First of all: Grace Cathedral.
We were lucky enough to be invited to sweet baby Scarlett’s christening, and I was so moved by the spirit of this church. Particularly an art installation there – miles and miles of rainbow colored ribbons hang from the ceiling with prayers written on them. They sway gently in the breeze, cast the most beautiful shadows – and truly felt like prayers were being lifted to heaven and lowered to earth at the same time. I wasn’t the only one who was moved, Brendan was very good – and turned to me early on and said, “Mommy – I want to be here all the time.” They also have two labyrinths to walk – one inside and one out – Brendan loved walking/running the “mazes”. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this place, and want to go back when I can be there and spend some quiet time. I later found out that the ribbons have been hanging since 2013 – but come down this month. I feel so fortunate to have visited.

I have been a big mess of emotion recently. Appreciating how fragile life is – fearful of losing the people I love, and simultaneously so grateful for all that I have been given. Creek Grandma had a whole battery of health tests, and nothing major was found. I’m so relieved. There are no words. I was hoping for an easy answer to her recent health concerns, but in lieu of that – I am so happy to know that we don’t have anything serious to worry about, and am reminded to live and appreciate each moment to the fullest.

American Idol. Rob has been out of town for a few days, (and BTW we miss him like crazy, but Pooch, Peanut and I have been rocking it here at home) and it means that after B is asleep, I watch a little American Idol. My favorite part of the audition phase has always been hearing the stories – realizing that everyone has a different story, but also realizing that no matter what the story, the same thing moves me: a genuine and authentic spirit. Vulnerability. Wholeheartedness. That still applies, but the thing that brings me to tears this year is the parents of these kids. Each of them 100% there for their kids. The true love so apparent in their expressions – so clear that it doesn’t matter to the parent if their child makes it on Idol or not, just that they want to offer their love and support no matter what. It moves me because I FEEL it. I can feel every one of their emotions because I already ache with beauty for Brendan’s spirit. I don’t want anything to crush it ever – I want to always and forever encourage him to be all that he is – to go after his dreams no matter what they are, with wholeheartedness. To somehow understand that even the apparent set-backs are actually helping to propel him to where he is supposed to be. And to know that I will always be his biggest fan, no matter what.

By the way, sometimes he comes and hangs out in my office. Most of the time he plays the mini golf game we have set up in our main hallway, or he plays with the crate of toys I keep for him and every child who wanders into my office. But sometimes he parks himself on my couch, takes off his shoes and socks, helps himself to a cookie – and scrunches up his toes. That’s my favorite.

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This week Brendan was “Turtle of the Day” on Tuesday, and the very next day he was “Star of Circle”. That doesn’t happen often, and in truth, every child gets a turn in some kind of rotating order, no matter what kind of choices they happen to make – but Brendan HAS been extra awesome of late. I assured him that he didn’t need any special kind of award to feel good about being his best self – that trying his best was its own reward. We have also been watching “Brave” this week. I had never really watched it, and we didn’t let him watch because we didn’t know what kind of movie it was – but it’s really great – and not too scary. There was one part with a scary bear that I was a little worried about – he started to bury his face in a blanket a little. After the scene was over he sort of backed up on the couch a little, looked at me and said, “That bear was….” I waited to hear what word would come next and it was, “AWESOME!!!”. Cracked me up. Plus, he has now merged “Merida” and “Meredith” into one person, so he thinks his birthmother is extra “AWESOME!” Good timing because today it has been exactly 4 years since we first heard from Meredith. A day I will never ever forget. Thank you Meredith the Brave.

At school this week, they were talking about Martin Luther King, and the “I have a dream” speech. I love that they are doing this with three year olds. They had each of them complete the sentence, “I have a dream…” and recorded their answers. Brendan’s answer, “I have a dream – that I will play with Mommy all of the time.” It made my day. And it’s nice to know we have the same dream.

I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever have time to write the Christmas story as it exists in my memory – but there are some things I really want to write down before they blur into the happy haze of Christmas Past.
Well first of all, there was the Christmas sing-along at school:

And I’ll be honest, things went downhill after this – someone got a major case of the sillies and Mommy had to work hard to walk the line between keeping the event fun, and making sure he knew that was not the right way to act during a performance. So we’ll just leave this memory intact and move on.

We had three Christmases this year. Each of them felt like a legitimate Christmas morning, even though only one of them happened on December 25th. I love how that happens. I’m going to start with our Novato Christmas – the one where Santa came to our house. Things were pretty magical all season – Brendan was a full participant, discussing the specifics of Santa’s visit, helping to make (and test) cookies, choosing and paying for some of his very own Christmas presents – and even knowing which outside lights in town were Mommy’s very favorite. Even with all this hype and expectation, Christmas Eve and morning did not fall short. Of course, we wrote a letter to Santa, left some carrots for the reindeer, and he decided to leave five of the chocolate chip cookies that Brendan specifically told Santa we’d leave for him. Note: we sort of stayed in our PJ’s most of the day – so this was what he was wearing BEFORE we went up to take a bath and get on our Christmas PJ’s.

The next morning, Rob and I were prepared for overload and meltdowns, but they never happened. In fact, the “Christmas Spirit” which we had discussed with Brendan many times, was alive and well in our favorite little man. He crawled into our bed sometime during the night, and woke us up by saying, “Merry Christmas guys!” and following that up with big hugs (which he has told us ARE the Christmas spirit – such a smart boy). We went downstairs and although there were many gifts both wrapped and unwrapped right in front of him, the thing he went for first was a little plastic trumpet that Santa had left in his stocking. It still remains a go-to item. We let him pick which gift he wanted to open next, and he knew exactly which one he wanted to open – and seemed certain that it would hold his one requested gift from Santa – the “Big Garage”. Luckily, he was right – and I’ll be honest, I think the morning could have almost stopped right there.


All he wanted to do was play with his garage, but Daddy thought we should open a few more gifts first. So again, we let Brendan pick – and the gifts he wanted to open, were the ones that he had picked out and wrapped for Daddy. I wanted Brendan to get to experience gift giving all on his own this year – he has such a giving heart. And I knew that if I took him to a department store, I might inadvertently try and influence his choice. So I took him to the dollar tree. I gave him some money to put in his new wallet from Auntie Jess and Uncle Frank, and we talked about who we might select a gift for. He wandered the aisles, and picked out things very specifically for Daddy. He picked out a lot of things, but we agreed to narrow them down to three. He knew just the ones he wanted – and for the rest of the season, he could not wait to give Daddy his gifts. We kept them in a backpack at the back of his closet, and as we neared Christmas, he got to pick out the wrapping paper he wanted, he got to cut the paper himself, and he helped put the tape where it belonged. So the second gift that Brendan wanted opened on Christmas morning was not one of the many for him – but the gifts he picked for Daddy. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

The next present Brendan picked was from Santa, and I happened to know that it was clothes…. a sleeper with stars on it to be exact. I was worried that this would be a letdown, but my little man opened his gift and instead of being disappointed, hugged it close to him and said, “Santa got me a sleeper and it looks very comfy!”. At this point he couldn’t wait a second longer to play with his big garage, so daddy put it together and Mommy made her coffee. It took us all day to open gifts, because from then on, after every gift, we had to stop and play. Best Christmas Ever.

So after all the presents were opened, Brendan wanted to do only one thing: Go skating. We have a temporary outdoor rink nearby, and the first time we took him there was a look of bliss on his face that lasted until we had to drag him off the ice. And from that point on, all he could think of was going skating again. It was a highlight of his season for sure. After our visit to Boston, Uncle Steve set him up with his very own hockey skates – so this is where it begins…

Next Christmas: Cupertino! We crammed Rob’s car full of gifts, luggage, pooch and people until there was not an inch left to spare. Grandma had Christmased up the house, even though she hasn’t been feeling so hot. And we had all of our traditional fun, including late night waffles on Christmas Eve. This year, we were asked if we would do the advent reading and light the candle for the Christmas Eve service – and we were especially asked if our son would say a special line. After the sing-along at school, I had my concerns… but we agreed. We practiced his line, “Glory to God in the highest!” and he had it down pretty well. When it came to our part, he was good as gold. He stood patiently with all of us as we read our parts, and when it was time for his line, I suddenly realized that he had never practiced with the microphone. After a little prompting – he got pretty darn close to his line – and most importantly, the sentiment was there. He did GREAT. Of course after the service, all he wanted to do was say his line over and over using the microphone. Last year I got a gentle scolding from Grandma for not letting Brendan hold his own candle at the Christmas Eve service,(however I felt a silent nod of gratitude from the rest of the congregation), so this year we decided to let him give it a try. He was a champ! He took it so seriously, and I could just see all over his face that it felt very special to him. It’s a night we’ll always remember.

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Then it was second Christmas! There were lots of nice presents, and lots of nice hugs. And Grandpa got TWO boxes of peanut brittle, so he had to share.

We played with toys and of course bubbles, had our delicious prime rib dinner. Brendan had a special job for dinner too – he was in charge of putting ice in all the glasses – a job he took very seriously. And then headed out on the red eye to Boston.

The flight went great – Brendan slept the whole way. I didn’t get as much sleep as usual, because I had half a little person in my lap, but we got a little extra sleep when we arrived at Snow Grandma and Grandpa’s before the cousins arrived. There was actually no snow at Snow Grandma and Grandpa’s house – and it wasn’t even all that cold. Except in the hockey rink. This made it hard for Brendan to research what he has decided will be our family business: Gianino Plowing. He has a whole new snow plow design that is ingenious, but I can’t talk about it here (patent pending). So the cousins arrived, and that was all the present Brendan needed – but there were even more gifts under the tree!

There were baths and whoopie pies and a whole bunch of cousin fun before it was time for dinner and the ANTIPASTO that I fell in love with on my very first trip to meet Rob’s family! During dinner, Brendan also made his rounds of “break the pickle”


The rest of the trip was cousins, cousins, cousins. Brendan LOVED having three big guys to pal around with and do boy stuff. We also got to meet up with even more cousins, and friends who are almost like cousins.

And then suddenly it was time to come home. None of us stayed awake to welcome the new year, but we did make it to our favorite brunch spot the next day to welcome 1/1/2015 with donuts. And the worlds cutest photo bomber:

The holidays are so FULL. Of every emotion and every activity. But this year I felt like we enjoyed some of the smaller moments too – we played our ‘ornament game’ as a family, we shared hot chocolate, we took many opportunities to look at pretty lights. I never get to do all the things I think I should do, or that I’d like to do. We never get to spend as much time as we’d like to with our family and friends. We never have the time to sink in and relax that I always imagine we will – but it was indeed a season of merry and bright moments like this:

A wonderful season, and I’m very thankful. Grandma – there are lots more pictures here.

I’m still working on my Christmas memories, but in the meantime, I present my son, reading to his class.

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He had been reading this book to Mommy and Daddy, and he did such a good job that we asked him if he wanted to bring it to class for show and tell. I love how he holds their attention and cracks them up. I love how some kid off camera says to another friend, “that’s a funny book!”. And I also love how he makes sure Mom can see the pictures too. Okay, I pretty much love everything about this movie.

I had unusual circumstances that allowed me to take three weeks off this Christmas, which sadly, are about to come to an end. It’s been full in every sense of the word, and I’ve been collecting lots of pictures and memories that I haven’t yet had time to parse and record.

Every year I’m curmudgeonly about New Years Eve and resolutions – but I also can’t resist an opportunity to remember the past year, and get organized and make goals for the year to come. So I do have some resolutions. One of them is to not be so crotchety about social media. While we were visiting Boston, my sister-in-law, who has a history of providing a calming influence in my life at just the right times, casually talked me into instagram. I’ve had an account for a while – but only to make stickers of Brendan from a cute site called prinstagram. Now I’m going all in. I’m following people, I’m being followed. It feels a little crazy, but my 7 followers aren’t making me feel too violated. So far it seems like a good fit for me – a good way to capture moments when I don’t have time to sit down and edit photos and write out every little thing I want to remember for years to come. That also seems to be the way some other people are using instagram – to share moments that mean something to them. I’m still figuring it all out, but so far I’m into it. So I have added a feed of the three most recent instagram ‘moments’ to the side over there –> so Mom – you don’t even have to know what instagram is, and you can still see ALL the Grandson moments. I’m still going to post my sappy picture heavy blog posts, but I’m happy to have a way to quickly record more of the moments that steal my heart.

Thanks for the little push that I needed, Dani!

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And just so I don’t waste a post with my silly New Years resolutions, here are some adorable shots of the cousins. Please know that she never posed Brendan – she just told him where to stand.

Superheroes are big in our house. And I’m totally fine with superhero play, but I find that a lot of my make-believe is nerdy Mom stuff – more centered on real life lessons I hope my boy will learn. That superheroes are brave and kind – that they do the right thing, they help people. I always figure I must be getting an internal eye roll from my son. Consequently, we don’t have a lot of ‘bad guys’ in our box of superhero figures. In fact, we have one: General Zod. He must have come in a set with Superman or something, because I know we didn’t specifically purchase a bad guy. He’s pretty important though – after a while, a three and a half year old wants to do more than rescue kittens from trees and damsels from distress – they want to fight the bad guys. So General Zod gets in to all kinds of trouble. He tries to take helicopters, takes Wonder Woman’s magic lasso – he makes bad choices, and he ends up getting locked up in ‘cages’. Sometimes General Zod recruits the Hulk that Daddy had when he was a boy as a fellow bad guy because… well, with that angry face, it’s hard to believe that the Hulk is really a good guy. This weekend General Zod was up to his usual antics when Brendan made a different decision – rather than fight General Zod and put him in a cage, he decided to teach him how to become a good guy. The first thing Brendan did, was be kind to General Zod. He taught him kindness by showing him kindnessHowever, the chances are very rare for such kind of cases. order cheap levitra http://cute-n-tiny.com/tag/lobster/ Consequently, it straight impacts the reduction in sex-related hunger buying sildenafil online as well. Most people are sexually active during all life, regardless of whether they have a permanent partner, and many feel the real cute-n-tiny.com cheap viagra sexual freedom in a sear and yellow leaf. According viagra cipla to several healthcare professional, the condition consists of its own but it carries along with it responsibility and duty to abide by the traffic rules. . He told the General that he knew he could become a good guy – he just had to learn and practice. And then, as we made our first night time scooter ride around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights, Brendan invited General Zod to come with us. So we strapped the General to the front of Brendan’s scooter, along with the headlamp that Daddy wears when he is grilling at night. And as we toured the neighborhood, Brendan made sure that General Zod felt included. He talked with him about the lights, and asked which ones he liked best. He didn’t preach to General Zod about kindness, he SHOWED General Zod kindness. And I guess that’s the kind of wacky Mom I am – the kind who is out at dark on a scooter ride with her family, wearing sweats and a helmet and the light-up ‘protector’ necklace that her son gave her to wear – beaming with pride as her son sings Christmas carols to General Zod as they ride around the neighborhood. Any good person can be kind to the good guys, but it takes a real superhero to be kind to the bad guys. And only the most powerful heroes can change a bad guy heart to good. I’m so proud of him. So proud that I stuck a pack of bad guy action figures into my amazon cart. I can’t wait to see the look on Lex Luthor’s face as he learns what it means to have his very first friend.

With a career in Information Systems, I am often geeking out over statistics (I know what you’re thinking… and you’re right, it’s pretty sexy) and I’m even the president of our fictional statistics club at Lucasfilm. I have definitely learned that my love of Fantasy Football stems more from the charts and graphs than the actual games. I find comfort and intrigue in the ability to predict trends with patterns of numbers. But just because statistically speaking, I am slated to win my fantasy game, it doesn’t always pan out that way. That’s why they play the games.

Yesterday I had my annual mammogram – just once a year like every other woman does (or should do). But I have mine in the cancer unit where mammogram rooms sit next to ultrasound rooms and biopsy rooms. We stay in our gowns until a doctor reviews the results – because often they want more pictures. Sometimes they might even take you into one of the other rooms. Then I head over to the other side of the hallway to see my oncologist. This time while in the waiting room, I sat across from a young woman with almost an inch of hair. She was filling out paperwork and I recognized the way her husband had his arm around her shoulder. He held her a little bit more firmly, a little bit closer than was comfortable for the waiting room chairs. And with an inch of hair already grown in, I was particularly hopeful that the grip he had on her was simply proud support and not more bad news. Almost 10 years ago I sat where she sat. I looked around at women like I am now with miles and miles of hair and wondered what the heck they were doing in the CANCER waiting room. I longed to be sitting where they were sitting. Together, Rob and I made decisions on treatments that felt like they were killing me, based on tiny percentages of increase in “survival rates”. Looking at the “5 year survival rates” seemed like a long term goal at the time – 10 years was hard to even fathom, the numbers kept decreasing. Statistically speaking I shouldn’t have gotten cancer – I was too young, I had no family history. What did the statistics say about survival rates for those cases? We studied statistics because they were all we had – but I’m so grateful that some of the decisions we made were based on a decision to live, rather than just survive.

Then almost exactly 5 years ago to this day, I sat in a doctors office across the street. The fertility doctor who specialized in cancer patients sat me down next to my husband and told me that there was a less than three percent chance that I would ever have a baby. As we made our holiday rounds, I plastered on the best smile I could muster, while inside it felt like cancer had won. The statistics were in and one way or another, I wouldn’t live to see my dreams come true.

If you’re reading this, you know how the story played out. And from where I sit now, it’s tempting to look at each event of my past packed into one lovely path leading to where I am today. If I could have known that one day I would be Brendan’s Mom, I would have skipped my way through those years – but it’s almost impossible to be optimistic when you can’t see your way out of the trench. There is no way to imagine happiness, it’s enough just to get through one more moment, one more day… I lost track of who I was for a full year following the news that I wouldn’t be a mother. The truth was that I had plenty of blessings, but I couldn’t see them because the light in my heart was gone. If I could go back and talk to that Lori, I know I wouldn’t be able to convince her of anything – but I would whisper in her ear as often as I could: Just Keep Going. In other words, Don’t Believe the Statistics. Or in other words, Have Faith.

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Life comes in seasons. Everyone receives good news and bad news – and no matter who you are or where you are in your life, there is always a best thing and a worst thing. Those sentences sound like platitudes spoken by a girl who is home making Christmas cookies… and today, it’s true, I am able to feel all the gratitude of exactly where I am at this moment. Which is why yesterday we celebrated the passing of my annual oncology appointment with all you can eat pizza, because statistically speaking, it’s always a good time.

And it was.

Well, here we are in the first week of December and the Christmas-ing has begun. Like the crazy people we are, we got our tree the weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving, and we’re pretty darn happy with that tradition. It takes us a lot longer to do things these days, and I want all of us to have time and space to soak it all up. I don’t want to hurry through our to do list of preparations, but to do things because they are FUN. And speaking of fun, Brendan’s favorite part of picking out the tree? Finding any empty bucket of water, and planting himself as the cutest little Christmas tree ever. This happened a lot. So many times that Rob and I had to wander off to try and find another, more green and branchy tree to bring home. As soon as we’d get a few rows away, we’d hear, “Pick Meeeeeeeeeeeee!” coming from the cute little tree. So of course, we did. Even though we had the place to ourselves because the farm was technically still closed, we couldn’t take a chance of someone getting the worlds best Christmas tree.

Can you find the hidden Brendan Tree?

We finally picked out our tree. Rob apparently thought it was amusing that I made my choice based on the one that ‘looked like it was dancing’, and then we got to Brendan’s second favorite part: the animals. They are so sweet and friendly – they walk right over to say hello. Maximus the donkey is my favorite.

We finally got the tree set up and lighted and then it was bed time. But Brendan could hardly wait to start decorating – he wanted to put ornaments on the bare tree, so I redirected him to some small artificial trees and suggested he could start with those. All on his own, he carefully chose one ornament and placed it on each tree. I love that boy.

Also, our tree has a square tree trunk:

The next morning, Brendan helped me decorate – and I mean REALLY helped. I put the less fragile ornaments in a basket for him, and left the entire bottom of the tree untouched – he did it all himself. Of course, it has never looked better.

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The weekend of Thanksgiving, we went up to get haircuts – Rob and Brendan went on ahead while I tucked a few things into the car, and I couldn’t believe it when I walked in and Brendan and Daddy were both in chairs far apart from each other getting their haircut. Apparently Brendan hopped right up in the seat and was ready to go. Then of course, some blue hair, and a blue lollipop. But this time, Brendan decided he wanted Daddy to have blue hair too – nothing says Christmas like Daddy/Son matching blue hair. Then, after haircuts, we found that Queen Elsa was doing some reading/singing at one of our favorite bookstores across the street. Holiday magic.

For the first time ever (resisting Frozen quote here…) all three of us got Starbucks – and then we realized that we were SO close to our Christmas tree farm, that we decided to drive over and see what it was like when it was open. And guess what? SANTA WAS THERE!!!!! He asked Brendan if there was something he wanted for Christmas and Brendan told him about the garage he spotted in the toy catalog – and Santa knew EXACTLY which one it was! Then he asked Brendan what his favorite kind of cookie was (chocolate chip… just like daddy) and Santa asked him to help Mommy bake some and then leave him a couple – but that Brendan could eat the rest. Thanks, Santa. After, he was so excited to try his FIRST candy cane. Until he tasted it. Candy canes aren’t my favorite either. I know, blasphemy.

Lucas has their Christmas stuff up today as well, and it was quite a surprise when we walked in. The bigger surprise was Brendan suggesting that I should take a picture of him in front of them. Clearly I was so shocked that I forgot to focus on taking good pictures. But I still love these:

So we spend lots of time by the tree playing our ornament game and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows. And the seasonal shelf is up. I have to say, it’s my favorite one yet. Thanks to Great Grandma Maggie for letting us have the light up house that she used to enjoy! And we’re getting a big thunder storm this week – which is the most winter weather we ever get. Exciting for everyone but commuters and our poor scared dog. But Brendan loves it when she’s scared, because she comes to cuddle in his bed.

For Thanksgiving, we gathered up our still not feeling so hot boy, and brought him down to still not feeling so hot Grandma. Rob, Brendan, Chelsea and I all slept together in my old room. It was a massive sleepover and Brendan ended up in the full sized futon with us every night. Sometimes Chelsea would try to migrate over too. Then we’d wake up in the morning and I’d spend a couple hours trying to keep Brendan from sneaking into Grandma and Grandpa’s room. He’d try and reason with me, “but I just want to HUG them a liiiiitle bit” and of course I’d relent because I knew that was how Grandma and Grandpa would want it. Then we’d play out in their amazing backyard that was built with a 3 year old boy in mind. We learned that Brendan can hit tiny whiffle balls from an automatic pitching machine – I don’t think Rob has recovered from that shocking twist. He also helped Grandpa fix the fence:

And he spent some time sitting in the same apple tree, on the same branch, where I used to sit and ponder my world.

And then it was Thanksgiving. Grandma let me help out a lot more than usual which was good because I need the practice. I still overcook or undercook potatoes. I still don’t know how to make gravy – and I’ll never figure out Grandma’s elusive perfect pie crust. Other than that, I think I did okay. We sat down for the meal and our son decided to have a three year old moment. Now, to be honest – he doesn’t LOVE to eat (silly boy) and he really doesn’t love to try “new” foods, so I knew it wouldn’t be his favorite – but he was not really letting the rest of us enjoy the meal. So we asked him to wait in our room until he was ready – and thankfully, he got himself together. And then of course, OF COURSE, he sat down and ate every bite on his plate. Cranberries – I’m thankful for you most of all. You were the secret ingredient that made Brendan decide Thanksgiving wasn’t so bad.

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We also had to do the annual door measurement – guess what? He’s grown. I wondered why we started measuring at Thanksgiving and then I realized it was probably because that was the very first time he was big enough to prop up against the door frame. We also learned that Mommy was as tall as she is now in 6th grade. I used to be so tall…

Before we left, Brendan had to use the restroom, and wanted to look at the black friday circulars. Who can blame him?

That lemon sitting on the bathtub is not always there – Grandma and Brendan picked it and Brendan informed us that he never wanted to ‘break it or cook with it’. He likes to keep it near no matter what he’s doing.

In the midst of so many things to be concerned with, there is so much to be thankful for as well.

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