It has been a long time since I was a blogger. I’m so thankful for instagram – it allows me to capture so many moments before I forget them. But it has also made me lazy. When I instagram, I don’t get to capture all the in between moments – the moments that don’t come with a picture – like how we have the same favorite candy but instead of calling it a “Scotch Kiss” he calls it a “Kiss Cotch”. Or how he calls dice, “Round Checkers”. Or construction workers, “Instruction workers.” I don’t record all the ways he is changing – how he loves to have his back scratched, and makes sure that he scratches Mommy’s back too. How he knows that whatever I’m doing, I’ll stop if he says he wants snuggles. How he wants to run as fast as we can to the elevator if we see someone else – ANYONE else going into the elevator so that we can ride with them – but at the same time he has at times decided that he’s shy when it’s time to walk into his classroom. He still loves to draw (and he’s getting really good!), he still loves stories. I love the way his mind works – the way he considers things and poses questions. I love how he is more and more able to express what he is thinking and feeling – the way he understands the world to be. The other day we were talking in the car and he couldn’t remember Meredith’s name, so he said, “You know, the girl who kept me safe in her belly and helped me be born.” Perfect. I love that even though he is still a sponge for silliness and can be a little imp at times, that his heart is still as truly kind as it always has been. He says things at least once a week that make my heart explode open with love – and I always tell him so. He loves to say “thank you’s” each night before dinner, and he is always thankful for “the fish”, but he also comes up with some very special moments of gratitude that he considers deeply. He asks a lot about God, and he seems to know a lot about God already. He still says with certainty, that he is going to have a little sister – and that is something that he and God are going to have to work out together…
He and Daddy have convinced me that having a dart gun battle once in a while is okay – although even in “every man for himself” challenges, I still somehow end up teaming up with my son… Once Daddy accidentally hit me in the face, and Brendan went to his bed and was near tears with concern. (I was fine.) He knows how much he is loved. I also want to instill in him the confidence to always be himself – to always be Brendan. I want him to continue to be thoughtful and kind and sympathetic others, but to make his own decisions – not to let hurtful words sink in and take root, but to consider other possibilities as to why they are said. I see him doing this sometimes – “She said she didn’t like my shirt, but I think she was just jealous” “He always hurts people, maybe he needs somebody to be nice to him.”, and it fills me with hope. The world can be full of hard things – but I don’t want him to become hard. I don’t want his sweet little spirit crushed – I want it to continue to shine. If there was anyway I could protect him from every hard thing, I would – whether that would ultimately be good for him or not. But since I know that isn’t possible, I want to arm him with different ways to interpret peoples actions – not to ignore what people say, but not to immediately internalize it either. I wish for him the wisdom to see into the heart of people and to see their actions and respond from that perspective. At 4 and a half, he’s doing a damn good job of that.
I just sat down to pull together my top 100 photos from 4-4.5 and I realized that I’ve gotten lazy in using my phone instead of my real camera too. Thankfully, the phone pictures still capture the memories very nicely – and they tell the story better than any blog words ever could. And that’s why I’ve also let myself get a little lax in choosing a few extra pictures. Sometimes the picture itself isn’t a winner – but the moment it captures, or the look on his face is one I don’t want to forget. How sad that I even have to justify breaking my own rules… On that note, Kate Hudson. She is one of the few “stars” I follow on instagram. Started mainly because of the video she posted of she and her son dancing in an airport. She recently posted a video of she and her mom (Goldie…) talking about their mantra for the year – “Why Not?!?” I’m pretty much the opposite of “Why Not?!?”. And this is probably why I follow Kate Hudson on instagram. I know the world needs planners and list makers too – but I want to be a little more “Why Not?!?”. I need inspiration. Last year my goal was to allow a little more spontaneity into my life. I think I did okay with that – and surprisingly, the world did not crumble around me when we went off our planned dinner schedule. Each year at work I make my whole group choose a tagline, and even before I saw “Why Not?” I had decided to make mine, “Don’t wait.” Maybe “Why Not” is a little too carefree for me – but maybe “Why Wait?” is a frame of mind I can adopt both at work and at home. A little carefree mixed with my natural tendencies… I’ll give it a shot.
I’m not a big New Years Resolution maker, but I would also like to commit to a monthly blog post – and maybe also at least once a month to dust off the good camera. For very selfish reasons, just to ensure that my favorite collection continues. I have also had tremendous anxieties about all my home movies existing only on You Tube. I don’t think that was a great choice – but I’ll just hope that youtube doesn’t go out of business… and that if they ever do, they make good ethical decisions about letting people get their movies back. Okay, moving on before I have more anxiety… I suppose I trust the bank with my money rather than putting it under my mattress, right?
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Anyway, I’m pleased that even with my laziness, I’m still keeping a good collection. I’m pleased that any picture, and just a few little words can take me right back to a moment. Here are some great ones from the past 6 months:
