I’ve had all kinds of thoughts about words that could express what I’m feeling today. But I’m at a loss. The gift of love from my husband and so many other people is filling my heart with gratitude, but not words. It’s not a sense of accomplishment that I ‘defeated cancer’, but the realization that cancer did not defeat my dreams. Ten years ago, I felt like life would never feel ‘normal’ again. My focus was on everything be taken from me – most of all the opportunity to be a mother. The emotional part of today is realizing how wrong I was – and the deep seeded knowledge that everything had to unfold exactly as it did in order to bring me to this moment.
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’
Love saved me, motherhood healed me.
And those are all my words. So I’m just going to post the mail I sent out to my group on Friday and hope that you will help me celebrate by doing something that makes you feel happy to be alive.
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Ten years ago on Sunday, my family sat in a waiting room as surgeons removed a mass that nobody believed was cancer. Least of all me. The next days and weeks were filled with a long string of bad news. Survival Rates were quoted to me in 1 year, 5 year and 10 year stats – all of which seemed like an eternity away. The crushing blow was when the doctor told me that I would “never be a mother”. Anyone who has seen the little blond thing running around here knows that it was the biggest lie anyone ever told me.
I don’t often wave the cancer survivor flag around, but I’m finding myself a bit emotional about this milestone, and I’d like to ask a huge favor – would you guys help me celebrate? Here is what I’m thinking: get outta here. Time is our most precious commodity, so go out and spend a little unexpected free time doing something that makes you happy to be alive. Take a walk in the sunshine, read your favorite book, surprise your friend or family with a visit, savor a cup of tea, take an extra long run, cuddle your pets… The sooner you leave, the better the celebration.
We’ve all had quite a start to the year. Maybe you are fighting a hard battle or maybe you are in the midst of great joy. Maybe you feel uninspired or under-appreciated, or maybe you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Maybe you are trying to get over the virus that will not leave us alone. No matter where you are, here is what I believe: Everyone is trying their best. We can’t know exactly how people are feeling or what they are going through – we can’t know what the future will hold for us. But as long as we are kind to each other, and keep trying to do the next right thing, we will arrive at exactly the place we were meant to be.
I’m going to be out of here by 5:00 because I savored my morning. Please leave long before that – it would make me so happy to find nothing but empty desks on my way out. Thank you to all of you for making my days spent here part of what makes me feel happy to be alive.