Two

I’m emotionally spent. I realize that could come off sounding negative, but I don’t mean it that way. It’s like I spent the last two weeks skiing or swimming or hiking really steep mountains and now I’m done. I’m happy and content – and also in need of a long epsom salt bath for my heart. Mom’s 80th birthday, Brendan’s second birthday, Meredith’s visit – all amazing. But when I’m planning things like this I tend to focus only on the people I’m doing things for, and it’s not until it’s all over that I check in with how I’ve been doing. The one that surprised me most was Meredith’s visit – I was so excited for her to come, but turns out having the birthmother of your child stay at your home for the first time is kindof a big deal. I wanted her to feel so loved and so welcome. I wanted her to feel like she made a good choice. I wanted her to get to know the amazing little person that Brendan has become. Now that he can speak and understand, I wanted him to get to know Meredith in a whole new way. Turns out I also carefully watched my son’s reactions, looking to see if there was some bond that only nature could provide – something he could never experience with me. That surprised me. I didn’t expect that reaction, as it had never before entered my mind. All these thoughts kept me preoccupied the first 24 hours – but then my heart grew and expanded in the ways it needed to, and I was able to relax and enjoy the visit thoroughly. It was so fitting that the first morning glory blooms of the summer appeared exactly the day Meredith arrived. They are my favorite flower because they are so strikingly beautiful – and each blossom only survives one day. It’s the perfect reminder for me to enjoy the beauty of each moment, because it will never come again.

Meredith was amazing. She was family and honored guest and celebrity princess all rolled into one. She helped in so many ways that I wonder how we would have gotten everything done without her. She was totally in tune to the way I pictured things – and we were able to prepare for the party in record time. She and Rob and Grandma and Grandpa and The Uncles and I all formed an unspoken partnership in hosting a party that made my son happy, and kept our guests entertained. What more could I ask for? Meredith played with Brendan, joked with me, walked the dog, and even loaded and started the dishwasher the morning after the party without Rob or I even knowing she did it. Monday at work, I caught two people who had been at the party talking about how much she did to help. I felt a little bad that we put her to work rather than giving her a vacation, but I also know that sometimes that’s what happens with family.

My goal for the party was to have everything ready, but nothing set up until Brendan went down for his nap. And then I wanted him to wake up to a construction wonderland. It totally happened. Rob procured 24 GIANT construction cones, and picked up 36 balloons. We put out rocks and “bricks” and trucks and a red wheelbarrow that may or may not have been purchased specifically for the party. We had ice cream served from an ice chest created from Grandpa’s old toolbox, and toppings and chocolate ‘spare tire’ donuts that all got melty in the heat – but people ate them anyway. Everyone had hardhats and tool belts, and Brendan had a special birthday boy outfit including “scoop shoes” that he hasn’t taken off since. He woke up from his nap just before the party started and when I told him it was time for his birthday party to start – he got it. We had been talking about it for weeks. We had looked at his shirt and shoes for the party many times, we talked about the big ‘scoop’ on his invitation. He knew Grandma was making him a special cake and the night before his party, he even asked that it be a “scoop cake”. (Luckily, Grandma was way ahead of him on that one.) We got him dressed and went downstairs – and he walked right out to the backyard and started playing with his trucks. He put on his hat and vest, and he enjoyed the heck out of his party.

Grandma made an amazing cake. As usual. But this year, her Grandson was old enough to appreciate it. He had so much to say about that cake. He looked at all the details – the scoops in little scenes all over the cake – the cows in their little pasture, the brown puppy that looked like Chelsea – the birds – everything. He loved it. And I loved that Grandma got to stand there and watch his amazement. When it was time to cut the cake, I knew he would be ready – we had been singing ‘Happy Birthday’ for weeks. He had a musical card that played it over and over and over again. It is his favorite song. But when everyone started singing, he got shy and buried his little face in Mommy’s neck. Later I asked him if he liked it when everyone sang, and he confidently said, “yeah!”. I talked to him about closing his eyes and making a wish, and he blew out every one of his candles one by one. After each one, everyone would applaud and he would yell, “Yaaaaaayyyy!” There were two candles on his main cake, and one special candle that Uncle Darin had saved from Grandma’s 80th birthday cake that we put on Brendan’s own personal cake (Grandma claims he will ALWAYS get his own birthday cake, though I don’t seem to remember this tradition as I was growing up….).

Presents – I always forget that people will bring them. It’s very nice, but it’s not why I invite people to his party. I never know what to do – do we open them in front of people? Do we save them for later? Last year we waited, but several people specifically asked that we open their gifts. This year we went ahead and opened them. I don’t think I will do that again. It was rushed – thanks to Miss Charlie who simply couldn’t wait for Brendan to open all his gifts as fast as possible. And Brendan really preferred to enjoy each of his gifts for a while as soon as he opened them. He didn’t want to rush – and I think it was a little overwhelming. My favorite moment of the gifts came as Brendan went to the table that held the presents and brought over another one that he needed help opening – it was a container of plastic wrap that had been sitting out to package some to-go cake. He really thought it should be opened, and when somebody, I can’t remember who, helped him pull out a small piece of plastic wrap for him to see that was all it was – he began to cheer just as he did for every other present. That’s my boy. I loved him even more in that moment.

As the party wound down, the wheel barrow rides began. It was exactly how I pictured it, and I was glad Brendan was creating the same memories that I have from my childhood. There is nothing like a wheel barrow ride around your own back yard. Daddy claimed that it had to go right after the party, but I think we may get to keep it around a little longer. Besides, Uncle Brian said he would take it off our hands.
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Brendan was up most of the night following his big party. Probably about as much as he kept us awake that first night two years ago. I will never forget how Rob and I got his tiny little diaper changed, his tiny little undershirt on – and put that swaddled little bundle into the rolling hospital bassinet. Then we looked at each other and said, “now what?”. We went to bed, and hours later heard the first little cries of a son who needed us. The fact that Brendan needed us in a similar manor 2 years later was special in a strange kind of way – other than the fact that we were completely exhausted. It was clearly all the excitement of the day, so I finally just pulled him into our bed and he slept peacefully in the center, while Rob and I fought to stay on the slim side lane left to us. How can such a tiny baby take up so much bed?

The next morning I watched Meredith cut a piece of birthday cake for breakfast and my first thought was, ‘there is a girl after my own heart’. My second thought was ‘this would be a great photo opportunity’. So I invited B over to share some cake with her and he happily accepted. While it was meant mainly as a ploy for photos, he ate almost the entire piece of cake. Luckily, Grandma made a cake big enough to feed an army, so we still had some left. I wasn’t sure how he would feel about chocolate, so Grandma made two white layers, with one chocolate layer in the middle. Turns out the chocolate was his favorite part.

On our last night with Meredith, we took her to all you can eat pizza night at Goat Hill. A family favorite. Between party prep and wanting to share all our favorites with Meredith, we ate out a lot. I didn’t realize how much until Brendan decided that he wouldn’t even eat a bite of pizza, but instead only wanted tomatoes from the salad bar. This morning I took Meredith to the airport in the light drizzle that ended up delaying her flight long enough to disrupt her connecting flight too. As I pulled away, I sent her a quick text reminding her that I’d be happy to collect her and bring her back to our house so she could try again tomorrow. Secretly I hoped she would take me up on it. I wasn’t just sad that the fun of birthday weekend was over, I really missed her. That surprised me. I didn’t expect that reaction either. But of course, missing family after a visit is the nicest kind of melancholy.

There are lots more birthday pictures. I think Grandma knows where to find them, but in case she forgets, they are here. I think Brendan will remember at least flashes of this weekend, in the same way that I startle my parents with the vivid memories of my early childhood. And even if he doesn’t, I’ll always be happy to tell him all about it.