We woke up Saturday morning to pink blossoms on fire with the sunlight. You would think that would make us pop right out of bed, but we dozed a while longer… Then Rob had to go to work, and Aunt Lisa and Charlie came for a visit. We had all kinds of fun with books and bubble baths and games and snacks.
Aunt Lisa and Brendan took turns being shocked at some of the picture offerings in the ‘First 100 Words’ book. Clearly I need to do some better screening at the things my son is reading:
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Today we’re all home together. Lounging, grocery shopping, and getting ready for our big Oscar party tonight (it’s just our family, but we’ll take any excuse for parties (i.e. good food).
I had two big moments this weekend. The first came while watching one of my favorite guilty pleasures, ‘Say Yes to the Dress (Atlanta)’. As much as I love that program, especially when it makes me cry, there was always a little gnawing feeling in the back of my heart that wished I didn’t have to rush my wedding day. I had the most wonderful wedding I can possibly imagine – but it had to happen quickly, and I’m always a little envious of the brides on the show. This weekend I realized I don’t get that feeling anymore. I know that every moment in my life was leading me to the exact place where I am now. That my fullest and happiest expression of who I am, came not from being a bride, but from being a mother. And Lord knows I didn’t rush into being a Mother! I don’t wish for anything different in my past, because all of it brought me to this exact now.
The other moment was similar. We were driving to the grocery store this morning and Rob was searching the iPod for a special song that he said he had been playing for Brendan. Turns out it was “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone. This was the song that became my anthem the day that chemo ended. It was like I was living every word. If anyone asked me the happiest moments of my life, I would always say without hesitation – my wedding day, and the day that chemo ended. Just hearing that song always brings back those moments of elation – of feeling completely reborn. And right there in the car, I had a moment – realizing that now happiness has a whole new standard of comparison.
