When my eyes had welled up with tears three times before 10:30 this morning, Rob looked at me with a smile and asked, ‘how are you going to make it through the holidays?”
It’s a fair question.
Have I mentioned that everything is better with Brendan? Rob had to go into work today for a while. I had a whole list of things I wanted to get done, and as I picked up my baby, I suddenly realized that there was no way I could be as productive on my own with him. And that was the first breakdown – realizing that nothing on my to do list mattered more than spending time with him. There were other moments when I thought about last Christmas Eve, and how I prayed for the woman who might be carrying our child – as scared or unsure as she might be, I asked that she be given the comfort to know that she was our miracle. Then there was another one in Whole Foods as we did some grocery shopping. I was carrying Brendan in the Baby Bjorn and he was talking away – interested in everything, and I swore to Rob that THIS was the absolute perfect age. That he could never possibly get even a smidge better. It would be impossible.
He is so chatty. He smiles at everyone. He laughs and is delighted in everything. He whips his head around to study anything new to him. Instead of just lying in my arms, he can now fit perfectly on my lap with his arms draped across my sides, and his head on my chest. The little dimples on his hands get more pronounced by the day. He grabs his feet which completely slays me… to the point that I can’t even take my eyes away for a second to grab my camera. This morning he took his first nibble of his own toes.
He is perfect. And I am so incredibly eternally grateful for Meredith. This Christmas Eve I will pray for the same woman I prayed for last year. But this year I know who she is. And this year I will pray for her own joy and her own miracle – that all of her wishes and dreams come true.
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Apparently the holidays have officially started for me – HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
With a different kind of emotion, you might be asking yourself what is on Rob’s face… Also a fair question. I’m trying to appeal to it being too scratchy for the baby. So far no luck. We still love him though.