Each night before we eat, Rob and I try and remember to say out loud a few things that we’re thankful for. Sometimes the lists go on and on because we really do have so much goodness in our lives – but last night I had one item that demanded the spotlight. I’m thankful to be Brendan’s Mother. This may not seem like a news flash to anyone, but recently I’ve been so aware that I’m not just happy to be a mother, I am happy to be Brendan’s mother. There are so many little moments each day that let me know so clearly that this little man was meant to come into our lives. Each time I meet his big blue eyes, and we smile at each other, it just seems like it’s so obvious to both of us that we were meant to be together – maybe that sounds crazy, but I really think he feels it too.
I love every single thing about this baby – he’s clearly adorable, but its more than that. Every unique thing about him that makes him Brendan, meshes perfectly with this family – it’s like he was the missing piece of the puzzle we had always been searching for. I love his specific smile, I love the exact tone of his voice, I love how he smells – and not just the baby smell that everyone loves, I even love how he smells when his diaper needs to be changed (TMI? Perhaps.) I love every inch of his sweet little body – even his fingernails that insist on growing so fast that I have to hold my breath and cut those tiny little things at least twice a week. I love how he is starting to show us what he likes, how he discovers the world around him – I love how he snuggles his face in so deep when he is in my arms, as if he wants to soak up as much of me as he possibly can, just like I do with him. Every part of him is not only perfect, but perfect for our family. Each thing about him simultaneously melts and expands my heart.
In the couple hours I was at work yesterday, I had a few things happen that gave me those good feelings of accomplishment. It was one of those days that makes you say, oh yeah, maybe I am pretty good at what I do – and maybe I really do have some things to offer this company. But as I found myself once again practically running down the hall to day care when it was time to pick up Brendan, I realized that nothing ever again will hold a candle to the meaning he brings to my life. The very best day at work can’t compare with the feeling of pushing him in his stroller and looking down to see him smiling one of those big pumpkin grins at me. When I can’t wait to talk to Rob, it’s not to share what happened at work, it’s to tell him all the amazing things that our son is doing. Nothing has brought more meaning or more importance to my life than this little boy. I can’t really explain it, but I know more certainly than I’ve ever known anything that it’s not ANY little boy, it’s THIS little boy.
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And all of this makes me more, and more, and more thankful to Meredith. We would not be the family we were meant to be without her following the exact path she did. Each big decision, each little choice all exactly necessary to create Brendan, and deliver him into our arms. The fact that she chose Rob and I out of 500 other families is small potatoes compared to all the other events that had to take place. I’m guessing it was one of the hardest things she will ever have to go through in life. That realization is not lost on me. It fills my heart with so much love and emotion that I want to hire a skywriter to plaster my gratitude all over the sky – or to find a way to make every one of her dreams come true. Meredith was our ultimate matchmaker – she brought us the love of our life. She created an avalanche of love that will continue to spill over into so many lives. I intend to soak up every last ounce of my part of that love – which is why I typed the majority of this post with one hand, while my little man is tucked into the other arm.
Lori, you made me get all misty. I have known for years that this little man is what would complete your life and he has done so beautifully. Thanks for sharing.