A birthday is just another day, right? We’re not really a YEAR older, just another day. So what is it about Brendan’s birthday that makes me so emotional? In my heart, I’m back in Iowa – with Meredith and Linda and all of the emotion of that day, those weeks. How can I ever express how much my Iowa family means to me? How can they ever truly understand the love I have for them? I certainly couldn’t have understood it or ever predicted it, but here it is. I feel it every day. I am protective of Meredith like a Mother/Sister/Daughter/Friend all rolled into one. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, because she gave everything to me.
And as usual, I long for all the days past, without wanting to give up one single moment of today – of where we are now, or where we are going. Each day, even with all its imperfection, is perfect. Gratitude upon gratitude. Love expanding even more when I’m CERTAIN it’s not possible. I worried that my heart was a balloon that would burst open from trying to contain all the love – but now I realize that in bursting open it can hold the world.
I’m grateful for everything – but I can only try and capture a few moments:
– I love how you have always wanted to lie right on top of Mommy when you are in bed with me, and how even at 4 years old, you insist on resting your head on my head and neck, and your feet on Daddy.
– I love how honest and conscientious you are. How you tell us when you do something you don’t feel good about – how you want to talk to Mommy about it.
– I love how brave and kind you are – how you stick up for people at school – how you “make Brendan choices” instead of doing what everyone else is doing
– I love how I catch you signing “I Love Rock and Roll” as you are going about your business, and how you ask me NOT to sing and dance in the car. Actually, I don’t love that last part, but I understand.
– I love how you try new things with such fearlessness.
– I love how you get SO excited when you see someone else going into the elevator lobby – how you run so fast to make sure we can be on the same elevator with them. How you say hello to people rather than shyly shrinking away. I also love that occasionally you feel more brave when you are holding Mommy’s hand.
– I love how all on your own you will hold the door open for the ladies and say, “After you!”
– I love your inquisitive and analytical mind – how pleased you get when you figure things out all by yourself. I mean it when I say how impressed I am at the way you think about things.
– Although sometimes I find it challenging to be creative on the fly, I love your endless appetite for hearing and telling stories
– I love the look of sheer delight on your face as you practice the back float with Teacher Carrie
– I love your laugh – it will always make my heart dance – but now it is more carefully distributed and that makes it even more special to me.
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– I love how you bring me treasures because you know it makes me feel loved and special – rocks, flowers, a piece of a zipper, a small piece of shiny foil
– I love how you point out rainbows to me every time you see them – and how you play the game on my iphone and joyfully announce – “Mommy – I got you a rainbow!!”
– I love your use of the word, “actually”
– I love when I can see music moving your soul – the little smile creeps over your face and sometimes you try to hide your delight, but I see it. And then you ask to listen to the song again.
– I love when out of the blue you walk up to me and say very genuinely, “Mom – I really love you.”
– I love how you even if you wake up early, you wait for me on your bed at school because you know I’m coming to cuddle you awake.
– I love that you are starting to know what you like – watching you develop your own interests and personality, how you think about the world around you, how your mind processes things, what moves you – learning about the person I love most in the world s the most fascinating thing in the world to me.
– I love your little boy shoes and socks that come home full of sand and end up strewn all over the house
– I love how you move into our bed in the early hours of the morning with your two blankets and George and Baby Giraffe, and Snakey and Potamus.
– I love how much you love my zucchini bread and chocolate chip cookies and ice cream, but that you picked zucchini bread as the treat you wanted to bring to school for your birthday.
Brendan: You have filled my world with love and laughter and magic and FUN. You have always been, and always will be, my dream come true.
There are birthday party pictures to sort through, but for now, my usual custom – trying to narrow down my favorite 100(ish) photos of the last six months. Thank goodness I’m a little behind in my photo uploads because there were already too many to choose from.
