Yesterday we had our court date to finalize Brendan’s adoption. It’s a day that long ago we imagined, and knew would mean so much – and it does mean everything in the world to know that he is legally ours.
We arrived at the court room extra early, and the very first person we saw was a guard who almost jumped out of his seat at the opportunity to help us find the right court room. So sweet. We didn’t need an attorney with us, so the 5 of us (Grandma and Grandpa Casler came too) lingered around the court room door until it looked like we should file in. The room was pretty full – there was a jury seated and lots of folks sitting in the audience area waiting for their trial to start. A woman walked right up to us and asked if we were the couple here for the adoption hearing (lucky guess). The judge wanted to hold our hearing in her chambers, and we were escorted through a back door in the court room before we had even had a chance to sit down.
The actual proceeding took about 10 minutes. Including pictures. The judge told us that she had reviewed the paperwork and asked us to raise our right hand as she swore us in. She then asked each of us individually if we understood that from here on, we would be, in all facets, the parents of this child – and that he would be entitled to our inheritence. She asked Rob first, and when he said “I do”, she added, “That means even when he is 16 and wrecks your car….” Then she asked me – and of course I said I do, but here’s the kicker: I didn’t cry. I *always* cry. I think I’ve confessed that on many occasions.
After having Brendan in our lives for 7 months, I had wondered what this moment would feel like. I hypothesized that it might feel like a couple who had been committed and in love and living together for years, finally getting married. I don’t know if that was right or not, but what I know is this: Love doesn’t need to be legalized. I have loved this baby from the moment I saw his little chin in the ultrasound picture. And as quickly as those first weeks in Iowa, I knew that everything I had belonged to him. Not just my money and my belongings – to me that is the least I have to give. He has ALL of me. All of my heart. All of my hopes and dreams. All of my smiles. All of my love. The judge legalizing our adoption didn’t change anything in my heart, and the words in the document didn’t begin to convey the magnitude of how much he is entitled to, and already has full possession of.
Brendan woke up just one time on Tuesday night – and I happily ran in to snuggle with him a bit. I was having trouble sleeping. Mainly because I was thinking about Meredith – hoping that this day was not full of difficult anticipation for her. Hoping that she feels she made a good choice. Hoping that she feels our love and gratitude – and that it feels good and right to her. She is one of the main cornerstones of all our happiness, and I want that magnitude of happiness in her life. I also couldn’t stop thinking about how much love Brendan has surrounding him all the time – from so many different people and places. It was nice to have a few quiet moments in the middle of the night to hold him while all of these things brewed inside.
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After the official hearing, we were escorted back through the courtroom with all the people who had been there when we arrived. As we stepped in, one woman asked, ‘is everything official’? And Rob said, ‘yep! all done!’ at which point the entire court room erupted in applause. I cried a little at that point. A crowd of strangers sharing in my joy will get me every time. Later when we were filing all the official documents with the clerk, an attorney stopped us and said that as we walked through, everyone was exclaiming at what a happy family we were – and that even the baby was smiling. Clearly they don’t know that a smile is the norm with this baby.
We took the rest of the day off. We went to Boonfly, our favorite celebratory breakfast spot, and then just sat around and enjoyed the baby. Then we met some of our friends and family for dinner. It was a beautiful day – but it was more about crossing t’s and dotting i’s, because there isn’t anything in the world that could make any of us love Brendan more than we do.
