Last night Rob and I watched a special on 9/11. I have to admit that I haven’t been good about honoring this day. Part of it may be the fact that the night before 9/11, I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me. That’s certainly not on the same level as a terrorist attack, but it did add a feeling of uncertainty to my personal life, compounded with the uncertainty in the world that everyone was feeling. There is also the fact that I don’t even like to watch the news because just like my Mom, I find it hard to watch things objectively – I empathize with everyone from the character in a commercial, to a person being interviewed on the news. Maybe it’s taking the sheltered or easy way out, but I’d always prefer to focus on positive, uplifting things – rather than dwell on negative and sensational acts.
But this wasn’t just a negative and sensational act, this was an act of war. And this year felt different with Brendan curled up in my arms. As I watched people relay stories about how even 10 years later, their lives have never been the same, have never gone back to ‘normal’, I thought about how I would try and explain all this to Brendan some day. So many people literally gave their lives to help on 9/11 – even though they survived the crash, they lost the innocence they had before the attack.
While I hope for a world of perfect happiness for Brendan, and I intend to show him the very best things life has to offer, I don’t want to do him the diservice of rose colored glasses. There will be 9/11’s in his life – times when horrible and unexpected things land and seem to explode your perception of reality. I want him to know that he can’t stop those things from happening – that even his Mom and Dad – even his Grandma and Grandpa can’t stop those things from happening. But what he can control is his reaction to those events, and in those moments, he will define his character.
Maybe these events in his life will be contained to a broken leg the week before playoffs, or a broken heart the week before prom. Maybe it will be an unexpected illness, or the death of someone he loves. Maybe it will be environmental disasters or even other acts of war like 9/11. But each 9/11 also has a 9/12 – a day when the tragedy itself is behind him, and he can choose how he wants to face the future. I hope he will see that he has a choice – and that he will choose to focus on the 9/12’s more than the 9/11’s. I hope his natural inclination is toward hope – toward helping in any way he can – toward seeing new opportunities in the wake of the unexpected. In other words, I hope he takes after his Daddy. =)
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And speaking of the future… we had our first checkin with Day care today, and his teacher, Ms. Gracie (they posed for the picture below). We already know all the teachers in the infant rooms – and it was so exciting when they all came over to meet Brendan. Ms. Gracie asked us so many nice questions to make sure she knew every little thing that would make Brendan the very happiest he could be. We will start going for just an hour or so at a time, and I’ll stay with him for the first few visits so that we can both get used to being there – but it will be so nice to know that he is always just down the hall, and to be able to visit as often as I’d like.
While we were there, we got a message from a friend at work, who said that she had some things she wanted to share with Brendan – there were some adorable clothes, and a Moses Basket! Since I had a couple things to catch up on while I was there, and the little peanut was ready for a nap, I laid him in the basket in my office and he looked pretty darn comfy as I worked on the budget.
