I am not a blogger

I am a private person.  Rob is reading this and laughing at what an understatement that is.  I’m not on facebook, I don’t do social networking of any kind – in fact I don’t really like to schmooze or network at work either.  I do best with genuine contact – usually one on one, or in small groups.  That type of connection feels more ‘real’ to me, and feeds my soul way more than broadcasting information about myself, or reading other peoples advertisements about their life.  I’m not knocking that at all – in fact often I wish I was better at that type of communication.  So does Rob.

The reason I mention this is because I’ve been realizing lately that I’m not a typical blogger.  I’m not looking for traffic.  The reason this blog exists is so that our families (which includes Meredith and her family) can watch this little man grow and change each day.  If you are reading this, then you are part of our extended family too.  A couple of you have pointed out that this will make a nice ‘baby book’ for Brendan (since it will probably be YEARS before I actually PRINT pictures, and scrapbook them with pretty papers and things).  So as you’ve seen, this certainly isn’t anything ‘the public’ would be interested in.  But for anyone who is actually reading this, I guess I wanted to apologize.  I’m not a photographer – but despite a lack of talent, I post way too many pictures.  I’m not a writer – but often I let my unedited internal sappiness spill out in this forum.

My wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life – made even more precious by the scary things that surrounded either end of that day.  Somebody told me the next day, to write down as many things as I could remember about the day.  Just short fragments and impressions.  Because as much as you think you will never forget, time tends to mix all those punctuated moments into one big happy stew.  There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes reading those little bits of specific memories can bring me right back to exactly how I felt on my wedding day.  I have always written in journals – but mainly to get thoughts and ideas out of my head, and to work through what ends up being the same philosophical issues again and again… What I realize now is that there are so many sparkling moments with Brendan in the world – and I just don’t want to forget.  I want to enjoy them as they are happening, but I also want to preserve them for years to come, so that I can feel exactly what I feel right now as he nuzzles his warm face into my neck and I kiss his fuzzy little head. Or as I look out over the family room and see diapers and car seats and blankets and bibs – and realize that while I can’t relax if my house is (too) messy, I really LIKE this kind of clutter.
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I guess what I’m asking for is your patience and forgiveness – because I’m not a blogger -I’m just in love.