Sometimes I can’t believe he’s mine. I don’t think it’s just because we waited so long for him – or that he came to us in such a special way. I have a feeling that most parents have this feeling – that I’m so lucky to get to share my life with him. This is my first week at work, while Rob gets to stay home (next week it will be my turn again!). I miss him all day. And when the work day is over, I almost run to my car to get home as fast as I possibly can. When I get home, Daddy looks a little tired, and willingly hands him off for a little quiet time of his own (usually about 3 minutes…). All I can do is hold him close, and stare into those big blue eyes – and bury my nose in his neck. Why do babies smell so good? It’s not just dreft… it’s some kind of sweet warm milky scent that makes me want to curl up under a big blanket and go to sleep and dream of angels. I wish that were an exaggeration.
This morning he woke up around 4. He wasn’t hungry, he just needed to know we were there. He burrows his head into my neck and nuzzles so hard that I would think he was trying to wipe his nose on me. It makes getting up at 4 in the morning not so bad. He finally wanted to eat around 5:30, just as the sun was coming up – and as I changed his diaper, he flashed me a few smiles. Better than any alarm clock. Better than another hour of sleep.
Later on while the boys were home alone, iChat started ringing and when Rob answered, it was our 4 year old nephew Michael. He wanted to see Brendan. Rob explained that the baby was sleeping, and held the ipad over so Michael could see. Michael immediately yelled, ‘WAKE UP BRENDAN!!!!!!’ Such a perfect reaction. But Brendan slept through it. They are going to be pals for sure. I can’t wait to visit in September.
I can’t believe he is six weeks old today – a month and a half. That means we have all been back in California for almost a full month. How is that even possible? Some days I could swear that I have just eaten breakfast downstairs at the Hampton Inn (I miss their scrambled eggs with ham and cheese…). Is his whole life going to go by this quickly? A blur of moments… just when I think I don’t want him to ever change, he gets cuter and sweeter and more perfect.
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Brendan – in six weeks you have already made me a better version of myself. You help me to see my priorities clearly, and gain a fresh perspective on what is important in life. You give me an excuse to follow my dreams. You help me to do everything with a purpose – you ARE my purpose. You make me appreciate so many small moments of beauty. You have made me more thankful. You have forced me to be more organized, to get more done in a day… on less sleep… while feeling happier and less stressed than I ever have in my life. You are amazing. And I can’t believe that for a while, I get to call you my own. At least until one day when you become a teenager. =) But lets not think about that right now. Right now I just want to look at you sleeping peacefully – all clean and warm from your bath, in your 0-3 month sleeper since the newborn ones have started to get a little snug. Happy Birthday baby boy! Thank you for being the best present that Mommy ever got.
